Getting back to being me…

I sit down at the start of every month and write down a few things I’d like to achieve or do over the coming weeks. 

Last weekend, I was thinking about July, I realised that every set of monthly intentions I’ve written so far this year has been centred around getting through the month while I was unwell or recovering from surgery.

This month, though, they’re not.

That’s when it suddenly dawned on me that, physically, I feel better than I have in well over a year.

Looking back, I’ve spent so much of the last year feeling unwell, waiting for appointments, having surgery and then recovering that I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to wake up and not have something hurting. 

It’s only now that I’ve realised just how much better I actually feel. All of the aches and pains that I’d almost accepted as normal have disappeared, the symptoms that seemed to dominate so much of last year have gone, my diabetes is much more under control and I genuinely feel healthy again. Mentally, I’m in such a good place too. I love our home, I love this stage of my life and I feel really positive about what’s ahead.

What I wasn’t expecting though was to realise that, whilst my body seems to have recovered, there are quite a few habits I’ve picked up over the last year that I’d quite like to leave behind.

Over the last year, I haven’t really done much on my own. A wander into the village while I was off work was about as adventurous as I got. Not because anyone stopped me and not because I couldn’t have done more, but because I just never really felt like it. Somewhere along the line, I got out of the habit of just deciding I wanted to do something and then going to do it.

It’s the little things I’ve noticed first. One of the nurses I saw during everything suggested I try taking collagen as part of my recovery. She told me she takes it every day and really notices the difference in her skin and hair, so I thought I’d give it a go. I’ve also started having regular B12 injections after realising they could help me too.

Whether it’s the collagen, the B12 injections or just the fact that I’m making more of an effort to look after myself, I don’t really know, but I’ve realised I actually enjoy taking that little bit of time for myself every morning.

While I was off work there wasn’t really much of a day to prepare for. If I’d planned my days back then they’d probably have looked something like this: get up, watch a bit of TV, have a nap, do a few jobs, have another nap, cook tea and then… probably another nap. 😂 That’s exactly what my body needed at the time.

Now I make time for myself before the day properly starts. I make my collagen drink, check my blood sugars while that’s cooling down and then sit in my favourite chair for ten or fifteen minutes before everyone else is up. It isn’t anything groundbreaking, but it’s become my little bit of calm before the day begins and I honestly think it helps set me up for whatever the day has in store.

I’ve realised the same thing when it comes to getting out and about. I stopped just jumping in the car to go somewhere because I fancied it. Instead, I found myself waiting until there was a reason to go somewhere or someone else wanted to do something. I don’t even know when that became my normal because it isn’t really me at all.

Years ago, I decided I fancied going to San Francisco on my own, so I booked it and went. Looking back now, I can’t quite believe I did that but I also miss being that spontaneous.

I’m not saying I suddenly need to book another solo holiday, but I do think I’d like to get back to being that person again.

I’ve decided I’m going to start small.

Sunday mornings are going to become my little solo adventure. There’s a farmers’ market not too far away that I’ve always enjoyed wandering around and, from July, that’s going to be my thing. I’ll jump in the car, have a wander around the stalls and enjoy an hour or two doing something just because I want to. I actually started last weekend and look what I managed to buy for everyone….

I’ve noticed my confidence coming back as well, although probably not in the way you think!

When I was off work, I had far too much time to think and I definitely overthought things more than I ever used to. I’d worry that I’d said the wrong thing in a conversation or wonder whether someone liked me or not.

Now, I feel like I’m getting back to being a bit more confident in myself again. If I get the feeling that someone doesn’t really want me there, I’m much happier just walking away. There’s no point trying to make someone like me if they don’t, even if I think they’re completely wrong and they’re missing out on having me as a friend. 😂 I’d much rather spend my time with the people who do want me around.

So when I was reflecting on my month ahead and the things I wanted to do this month, the things I wrote down were very much things that I wanted to do for me.  I’m getting back to being me – the version of me who enjoys looking after herself, doesn’t overthink quite so much, is happy to do things on her own and doesn’t waste time worrying about whether everyone likes her.

It’s a good feeling!

I’d love you to follow me on Twitter and it would be amazing to see you over on my Facebook page and on Instagram. If you’re interested, you can find out more about me here and while I’ve got your attention, if you’re wondering why some of my posts lately are a little bit less frugal then have a read of this post. 😉

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