I don’t know about your child’s school but ours recommends that we read with our children for at least 15 minutes a night. We also have spellings to learn each week and about an hours worth of actual homework each week to complete.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with helping my children to learn and I genuinely believe that it’s as much my responsibility as it is the schools to provide them with a well rounded education. But, if I’m honest though, I don’t read with them every night. In fact, I probably read with them less than once a week – does that make me a bad parent?
I don’t think so and I’ll tell you why….
I do encourage my children to read to themselves as often as possible and I’m always happy to listen to them when they want to read to me but I never tell them that they have to sit down and read for a set amount of time. If they want to read, that’s great but if they don’t that’s fine too. I really believe that if you want a child to grow up with a love of books, you need to let them discover them in their own time and you let them read what they want to read (within reason) when they want to read it.
I’ve already discussed this with the school as the books that Miss Frugal has been bringing home to read in Year 5 are plain boring. How can she possibly learn to love books when all she is reading about are deserts and spiders and whales? Luckily, her reading age is above what it should be so her teacher has agreed with me that she can read books from home instead of having to choose from the ones available at school. So, we’re currently working our way through the Enid Blyton Mallory Towers books and enjoying them much more than learning about the life of a spider.
I’m more willing to follow the school’s lead with Master Frugal and the books that he reads as he’s only seven at the minute and I’m a bit stumped with what to give him to read. He has a reading age of 9 and a half but there’s a bit of a difference in what he can read and what he actually understands so I’m happy for them to advise on the books that he reads although I still just let him read when he wants to.
I’m feeling bad even as I’m writing this because not only do I not read with them very often, I also don’t practice their spellings with them through the week usually because they find them quite easy usually. More often than not we leave it until the night before they get tested on them and I give them a quick test while I’m cooking the tea. Any they get wrong, they write out again or spell out with the fridge magnets but that’s it. In my defense they usually get them all right but that’s no thanks to me really!
With their weekly homework, I’m not one to do it for them or to stand over them while they do it. There’s no point me doing it for them or giving them the answers because then the teacher won’t know where they need help. I’m happy to explain things to them when they ask but again I usually sit them down and let them get on with it. Today for example, Miss Frugal has has to fine the dates of 20 important events that have happened since 1930 (first woman prime minister etc) and then put them into chronological order and I just handed over my laptop and let her get on with it. Some parents in the class have done the homework for their children and some have sat with them and told them how to find the dates out.
Surely my way is better because she learned how to do it herself! (I’ve checked and it’s all right BTW)
How often do you read with your children?
I really like the way you act about the reading thing. A psychologist would recommend the same technique to every mother. You should be happy that your kids like to read and you should be proud of yourself because the fact that you don't force them to read makes them want to do it (humans don't get to like to do the things they're forced to do).
My children have always been several years above their peers in terms of reading age – they both went to school reading fluently. They also both read out loud very confidently – I have been into school listening to their classes reading so I know that my two have no problems in this area.
So right from Year 1, I stopped making reading to me a nightly chore, whatever the teachers wanted. They still read to themselves if they want to and out loud if they want to. I felt like you that I absolutely did not want to make it a chore for them.
A couple of the teachers questioned why their reading records were not filled in as much as the other children – I just countered straight back – Do you think that "Child" is struggling or falling behind with their reading? the teacher had to admit that no they were not. So, I said, I will concentrate compulsory homework on things they need to improve on, like handwriting, spellings and learning times tables.
I do understand why the schools feel they have to set this work – not every child is like mine and I know it is easier for the teacher to set one rule for the whole class, but I was made to read books that were beneath me at primary school and it put me off reading for over 20 years.
I think you've just hit the nail on the head – the school are setting one rule for all children, regardless of their ability. I can see why they wouldn't have time to do something for each child individually but I just wish it hadn't been such a battle to get them to agree with me about Miss F's reading.
I only listen to my children read when they want to read with me. I also don't stand over them whilst they do their homework. Stephanie(age 6) I will glance over when she has finished but never make her correct- same reasoning as you- the teacher won't know where she needs help if I do it! I asked for help then I will give it. Dylan (age 14) does his homework. I only read over it if he asks me too.
Spellings get practised once unless they are not correct then I may practise a couple more times.
I have also been known to send in incomplete home work as they are too tired to get it done after school and I refuse to turn my house into a war zone!
Goodness knows what gets said about me in her schools staffroom- especially now her teacher has cottoned on I am also a teacher (in the same age range!) LOL
Oooh I wish you were my children's teacher Sarah – I agree with everything you just said 😉
Luckily for us Bel has now got to a point where she can choose what she wants to read – she has a reading age of higher than the primary scale! (at 9). We also go to the library with her and let her choose her own books. So with her we just let her read when and where she wants. Car has just started to read and at the moment we are trying to get her to read with us every other night. I think that this is definately the best way of doing things and I'm definately with you on the here's the laptop find the information yourself route. But then my kids are the ones who go in with their own made easter bonnet and not mummy's creation!
BNM
It sounds like she's doing fantastic and it's great that the she can choose what she wants to read – it sounds like your school are really supportive. Ours wanted to continue sending the same od boring books home for her to read and she just wasn't interested. It was only when I went in to see the head teacher that they agreed she could read what she is interested in.
I know EXACTLY what you need about the Easter bonnet lol
I've been having exactly the same thoughts recently. In October last year, the school told me that my 6 year old son had a reading age of above ten (how far they didn't say!). The books they were sending home at that point took him about three minutes to read, despite my protests. Now they send home longer books, but they still only take him about ten minutes to read right through. He chooses to read by himself for about an hour every night before bed, and I usually borrow about 5 longer chapter books a week from the library. His favourite by far is The Magic Faraway tree series, and he is currently reading these for about the sixth time. The problem is that his school have a weekly competition of the most books read by a class, and the school will not recognize the books read alone. He hates the reading set by the school and rushes through it to get back to his own books, so it seems pointless to me! I'm just grateful he loves reading, he has autism and ADHD and since beginning to read independently he is a lot calmer and able to concentrate better so it really has changed our lives as a family.
It's so lovely that he obviously enjoys reading so much and it's clearly showing in his reading ability. The school should be supporting that and in my opinion, should never have a competition for the most books read each week. Apart from the fact that children like your son are penalised – what about the ones who are behind and struggle.
I love reading and that's what I want for my two x
we do read every day, but we are both bookworms and I enjoy the 'mother and daughter time' it gives us. My daughter loves reading to me but won't let me read to her anymore. She's 8 but in the 'gifted and talented' programme for literacy and reads all our own books because the school ones don't stretch her. She's reading 'Inkheart' to me at the moment. As for homework though, I'm with you, and I get mad when kids win 'homework of the week' at school and you just know their mother has done it..(not that I'm competitive..much!)
I think it's a great thing to do together if your daughter loves doing it – to me, that's the most important thing. My two just don't enjoy it and I hate the thought of making them.
As for competitive parents – you should see the entries for school competitions like the Easter Egg ones. Some are works of art!
I consider it my job to promote "Self directed learning" – so now I am really missing reading with my oldest because he does it all on his own and loves it.
The toddler – well every couple of days we will read one or two stories – but most of the time he is playing and learning for himself (see my home made teaching materials here: http://mortgagefreeinthree.com/2013/01/from-littl….
If both your kids are reading and reading independently and researching and most importantly still curious – then as far as I am concerned the jobs a good 'un. No need to be a "helicopter" parent – drives you and the kids nuts
Thanks very much for sharing your link – I love your ideas and an E-reader is a great idea. I think Miss F might benefit from one as she loves her technology and it would encourage her to read even more x