As you read this, I’ll be at my Dad’s funeral saying goodbye to the man who’s been there for me since the day I was born. It feels like a good day to share this letter that I wrote to him the day after he died.
I wasn’t planning on sharing it as it was simply a post that I wrote to make myself feel better by getting it all out but as I thought about writing a post to share with you today, it just felt right to share this with you.
Dear Dad,
I can’t believe you’re really gone, that I really held your hand last night as you took your last breath last night.
It doesn’t feel real and I know that I’m going to miss you every day for the rest of my live just as I miss Mam. You really were the best parents and without you both, I feel lost.
I feel lost but at the same time, I feel relief – the relief is for us both because we both know that this last year or so has been hellish.
You struggled to get back on your feet after your first hip replacement and really hated living on your own when you couldn’t do everything you wanted to do – you were always so strong and independent and you saw yourself as a failure because you couldn’t do everything you wanted anymore.
I thought moving to the care home would be a good thing for you and for a while, it was but then you had a fall and needed a second hip replacement which drained you of just about everything you had – you hated your life and couldn’t bear the fact that you couldn’t move about without help.
You seemed to lose the will to want to get better and it broke my heart.
You rang me more times than I can say, just so you could vent your frustrations on me and I get it. I listened because I’m the only person in the world you had left and I tried not to get angry with you when you would ring and shout at me because you were fed up.
But you know what, I’ve decided that I’m not going to think about the angry person you turned into because that’s not my Dad and I’m not going to let myself picture the you that I said goodbye to in your hospital bed as you breathed your last breaths because that wasn’t my Dad either.
My Dad is the guy who has been there for me anytime I’ve needed him for as long as I can remember. He’s the Dad who held my hand when I was little and always made me feel safe, he’s the Dad who cried when both the kids were born and he’s the Dad who always told me to do my best at everything I did in life.
You used to ring me to tell me how proud you were of your grandchildren – how Master Frugal had called you again just to check in and chat about football with you and how Miss Frugal was going to make an amazing nurse but that she should be aiming to be a Doctor.
You were the best Dad and Grandad ever and we love you and miss you so much.
Love you always.
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