Why is giving things away on Facebook Marketplace so stressful?

I don’t know what it is about giving things away on Facebook Messenger but in my experience, it leads to some very random messages landing in my inbox. 

Recently, we’ve been having a proper clear out at our new house and we’ve been listing a mix of things that were left here by the previous family and things that we absolutely should never have brought with us when we moved. You know those things that somehow make it into the moving van rather than the pile that’s heading to the charity shop because you’re too tired to make sensible decisions by that point and future you is left wondering why on earth past you didn’t just deal with it there and then?

So far, we’ve listed three mirrors, a fire guard, a giant bean bag, some coffee tables, a chair, and a fair few other small bits and bobs, all completely free to anyone who wants to come and collect them. We do have a few things listed for sale as well, but weirdly, those seem to be much less hassle than the free things.

And that’s the bit I don’t understand.

You’d think giving something away would be the easiest thing in the world. You list it, someone wants it, they collect it and everyone is happy. Except that is absolutely not how it seems to work on Marketplace, because the minute something is free, the messages become a whole experience.

Every single time I list something for free, the same kinds of messages roll in and I could probably predict most of them before they even arrive.

If you’ve ever tried to give something away online, please tell me this isn’t just me…

The generic “is this still available?” message

It always starts with the classic message that Facebook practically writes for people.

“Hi, is this still available?”

You reply quickly because you’ve got your phone in your hand and you’re feeling all organised and efficient.

“Yes, it is 😊”

And then… nothing.

The message is seen and that’s the end of the conversation. No follow-up, no questions, no “great, when can I collect?” Just complete silence like you’ve said something wildly inappropriate instead of answering a very normal question.

I always wonder what happens in that moment. Did they change their mind instantly? Did they accidentally message? Did they throw their phone into the sea? We may never know.

The one who arranges to collect and then disappears

Every now and again you get someone who sounds like they’ve got their life together and know what they want and when they can get it.

“Hi, I can collect tonight at 6 if that works?”

Perfect. A plan, a time, everything feels very straightforward. You agree, you move the item closer to the door so it’s easy to grab, and you make sure you’re around.

Then 6pm comes and goes. Then 7pm comes and goes. Eventually you accept that they’re not coming and silently judge yourself for ever believing that this was going to be the smooth one.

The next day, without fail, a message pops up.

“Sorry, I fell asleep. Is it still available?”

And I know we all have busy lives, but I do always wonder how someone can be organised enough to arrange collection and then somehow completely forget that they were meant to be leaving the house so there’s no second chances here. 

The “can you just drop it off?” message

This one always makes me laugh because the confidence behind it is genuinely impressive.

“Hi, I’ll take it. Can you just drop it off? I’m only about 25 minutes away.”

Only 25 minutes away. Oh, well that’s OK then, I’ll just jump in the car and drop it off for you now.

I mean, I’m already giving the thing away for free, so adding a little complimentary delivery service feels like we might be pushing the boundaries of kindness just slightly.

The sob story even though it’s free

Every now and again, a message starts off normally and then takes a slightly unexpected turn.

“Hi, I’d really love this but I’ve got no money at the moment and it would really help me out. Could you deliver?”

I don’t want to sound mean because I know life is hard and people genuinely do struggle, but it’s one of those moments where I’m not quite sure how to respond without sounding unkind. I’m trying to pass something on, not launch a full furniture relocation charity from my front room.

The queue jumper

You also get the ones who you thank for their interest but have to say it’s gone, pending collection.

“Hi, I know someone else is collecting but I can come now.”

No, that’s just mean and if you’re that kind of person then I don’t want to give my stuff to you now. 

The haggler on a free item

This one absolutely baffled me when I got this message last week on the back of a post advertising a free (and very ugly in my opinion) wall mirror.

“Would you take £5 for it?”

I suppose technically that’s an improvement for me, but it still feels like we’ve misunderstood the assignment somewhere along the way.

The item is free. I am not driving a hard bargain here. There is no need to sweeten the deal unless they’re offering to arrive on time and actually take it away, in which case I would probably consider that payment enough.

The measurements mystery

I try to be helpful when people ask questions, so if someone asks for measurements, I’ll go and measure it even though I mutter to myself the whole time that it’s free so I shouldn’t be having to faff. This message came just after I sent some measurements of a large mirror to someone this week.

“Would it fit in my car?”

At that point I feel like I need a bit more information to work with because I don’t think I’ve quite got enough context to answer that one confidently.

If I knew what car you had, what angle you were planning to put it in at, whether your boot was already full of bags for life and random coats, and how much determination you were bringing to the situation, then maybe I could have a guess. But as it stands, I’m just a woman with a tape measure trying to give away a mirror.

The “can you hold it?” message

These are the ones that I always want to believe.

“Can you keep this until next Friday? It’s for my daughter and she’d absolutely love it.”

Because it sounds genuine, you say yes and set it aside. You tell other people it’s already spoken for, you mentally remove it from your life, and you feel quite pleased that it’s going to someone who really wants it.

Then next Friday comes and goes with no message, no collection and no mention of the daughter ever again.

By that point, you realise you’ve probably just delayed giving it to someone who would have actually turned up, and you make a firm promise to yourself that next time it will be first come, first served. A promise you will absolutely forget the next time someone sends a nice message.

The one who thinks it’s an emergency

Sometimes you get messages that feel like they need an immediate response.

“Is this still available?”

You don’t reply for ten minutes because you’re doing something completely normal like making a cup of tea, putting washing in, or being away from your phone for a tiny portion of the day.

Then you come back to a string of follow-ups.

“???”

“Hello?”

“I’ll just get it somewhere else then.”

It all escalates very quickly considering the original question was about a free bean bag, and I always feel like I’ve accidentally wandered into a high-pressure customer service role that I never applied for.

The over-sharer

Every now and again, you get a message that turns into a full life update.

“Hi, I’d love this but I’ve just split up with my partner, the dog’s ill, my car’s broken and I’m having the worst week.”

Before you know it, you’re reading a whole backstory when all you did was try to give away a fire guard that had been left in the house before you moved in.

And again, I’m not heartless. I do care when people are having a rubbish time, but there’s something very strange about suddenly being emotionally invested in a stranger’s life because of a Facebook listing.

Why I still do it anyway 😁

For all the chaos, the no-shows and the slightly odd requests, I still give things away on Facebook because it does make sense. It clears things out of the house, it stops perfectly usable things from going to waste and every now and again, someone turns up when they say they will, takes the thing away and is genuinely grateful for it.

I also quite like the idea that some of the things that didn’t work for us, or were left behind by the previous family, might end up being useful in someone else’s house. The giant bean bag might be exactly what someone’s teenager wants in their room, one of the mirrors might be perfect above someone else’s fireplace, and the fire guard might be just what someone needs without them having to spend money on one.

But honestly, the free listings are always the ones that come with the most drama. The things we actually have listed for sale seem to attract far less chaos, which makes no sense at all and yet somehow feels very Facebook Marketplace.

I’d love you follow me on Twitter and it would be amazing to see you over on my Facebook page and on Instagram. If you’re interested, you can find out more about me here and while I’ve got your attention, if you’re wondering why some of my posts lately are a little bit less frugal then have a read of this post. 😉

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