The small things in life don’t feel so small anymore….

I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought about was where I was exactly a year ago today.

So I did what I always do when I’ve got something big going round in my head and started writing it down. I’ve always found that getting whatever is in my brain out of there and into words makes me feel a bit better.

Sometimes I’ll write it all down on a piece of paper and rip it up afterwards. Sometimes I’ll type and type until I’ve got everything out and then delete the whole thing.

And sometimes, very occasionally, I’ll decide to post it.

This is one of those times so please forgive me for rambling today… Normal service will be resumed tomorrow. 😁

I’ve always loved autumn. It’s easily my favourite time of year and there’s something about it that naturally makes me want to slow down a little bit, spend more time at home and enjoy all the ordinary things that come with this time of year. But today feels a little different because a year ago today, I ended up in A&E and it was the start of what turned out to be a pretty difficult few months for me.

I’m not going to share the reason I originally went to hospital because that’s something I’d rather keep private, but I’ve thought about it a lot over the last week or so and about just how much has changed in the year since. What happened affected me more than I probably realised at the time and made me think a lot about my family and the people I love.

I’ve always valued my family, obviously, but something definitely shifted in me after that. I think it made me hold the people I love a little closer and appreciate the time I have with them more, and it changed my priorities a little bit too.

It wasn’t some huge dramatic change where I woke up the next morning determined to live a completely different life. It was much more subtle than that and I think I’ve only really understood the change with a bit of distance.

There was a lot going on in my head in the months that followed. While I was in hospital, they discovered a few other things that needed investigating, which led to more tests, another hospital stay and eventually an operation. None of that was related to the reason I’d originally gone to A&E, but it all wanted space in my brain at a time when I didn’t have much space to give it.

I think that’s why I focused so much on the house instead. We were in the process of buying our new house and I became absolutely convinced that it was going to fall through. Looking back now, I can see that I made the whole process much more stressful in my head than it actually needed to be because every delay or little question sent me straight to the worst-case scenario.

I understand why I did it though. I didn’t want to think too much about what had happened and I didn’t particularly want to think about all the medical things that were still hanging over me either. The house gave my brain somewhere else to go, so I worried about solicitors and surveys and moving dates instead.

Then, during one of my hospital stays, I got the call to say that our moving day was actually happening and I cried big fat happy tears. I also got the final date for my operation that day and I remember it feeling like a genuine turning point. After months of things feeling uncertain and out of my control, suddenly two of the biggest things hanging over me had dates. We were moving, I was having the operation I needed and there was finally a way forward.

I think that’s a big part of why our house means so much to me now. It’s nowhere near finished and there are still more jobs to do than I care to count, but I absolutely love living here. More than that, I love the very ordinary life we’re building here.

And sitting here today, thinking about where I was exactly a year ago, it’s those ordinary things that I keep coming back to.

I love wandering down to the village and having a look around the charity shops. I don’t even need to buy anything, although let’s be honest, I usually manage to find something. 😂 I love going to the farmers market and having a wander around to see what’s there.

I love sitting in the garden next to our little fountain, listening to the water and watching the birds coming and going from what we’ve started calling our bird cafe. I can happily sit there doing absolutely nothing for a while and just watch them.

I love sitting at the dining-room table planning our meals for the week, which probably sounds more like a job than something that should make me happy. I genuinely enjoy working out what we’re going to eat, what we already have and what I need to buy. It makes me feel organised and settled.

I even love folding laundry in the utility room, which is something I never thought I’d be including in a post about the things that make me happy. 😂 It’s probably one of the most mundane jobs there is, but I find it ridiculously satisfying and I’m doing it in the home that I spent so many months worrying we’d never actually get to live in. And I’m doing it in my utility room that’s painted baby pink after an issue with the paint colour which makes me even happier.

And I love going for a walk after tea. There’s no big purpose to it and no pressure to hit a certain number of steps. It’s just nice to get out, have a wander and talk about our day.

None of these are big things, but they don’t feel particularly small to me anymore either. I think the last year has made me realise that so much of the good stuff in life happens in completely ordinary moments. It’s being at home, spending time with the people I love, pottering around the garden, making dinner, folding washing, going for a walk and watching the birds.

And somewhere along the way, that’s changed what self-care means to me too.

I still love a spa as much as the next person. Give me a hot tub, a sauna and a fluffy dressing gown and I’ll be very happy. 😂 But I don’t think self-care always has to mean escaping everyday life to do something special.

For me, it’s become much more about recognising the parts of my everyday life that make me happy and making space for more of them. It’s enjoying a walk around the charity shops rather than rushing home because I have things to do, sitting by the fountain for another ten minutes because I want to watch the birds, or taking the time to enjoy the home we’ve worked so hard to get rather than constantly focusing on the next thing that needs doing to it.

A year ago today, I had no idea what the next 12 months were going to bring. There have been some really difficult moments, some big changes and plenty of worry along the way, but there have also been those big fat happy tears in a hospital room, finally getting the operation I needed and moving into the house that I’d convinced myself we’d never get.

Today, I’m sitting in that house, surrounded by the people I love, heading into my favourite time of year and feeling genuinely content.

And after the year I’ve had, the small things in life really don’t feel so small anymore.

I’d love you to follow me on Twitter and it would be amazing to see you over on my Facebook page and on Instagram. If you’re interested, you can find out more about me here and while I’ve got your attention, if you’re wondering why some of my posts lately are a little bit less frugal then have a read of this post. 😉

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