I’m still a bit traumatised this morning from the question Miss Frugal asked me last night, she snuggled up on my knee on the settee, looked at me with her big blue eyes and said “Mammy, What’s sexing?”
I wasn’t sure what to say to her, I always said I would be completely honest with her and answer any questions she has but I really wasn’t expecting her to hit me with this so young. After a few seconds of gobsmackedness (is that even a word) I asked her what she thought it was and she was kind enough to demonstrate on me, her little demonstration consisted of a big kiss during which she tried to put her tongue in my mouth!!!! So for those of you who don’t already know, that is sexing.
I’ve left it at that for the moment but I don’t know if I should tell her more, part of me thinks that agreeing that sexing is just kissing is one of those acceptable white lies – like Santa and the Easter Bunny but the other part of me is worried that I should tell her the truth (in a very child friendly way obviously 😉 ).
I love the way she snuggles with me on a night after Master Frugal has gone to bed, she tells me about her day and what she’s done at school. She tells me all about and friends and her boyfriends (she usually has about three on the go!) and then we sit and watch some cheesy show like Hannah Montana or Wizards of Waverly Place.
She does ask awkward questions occasionally and told me a while ago that she knew that Daddy’s put babies in Mammy’s tummies during the night! She also asked me in detail how a pregnancy test works after she saw an advert for one on the TV and after her recent experience of Gas and Air, she is fascinated with giving birth. Even so, I wasn’t expecting this!
What should I do?
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I agree that that's the best way – let them know the basic's first and go
from there. She's definitely getting more curious but she's well aware of
the difference between boys and girls thanks to her very un-shy little
brother who shared with us all the other day the fact that he had found a ball
under his willy! He was very impressed with his discovery and wanted to
share!!!
I agree that that's the best way – let them know the basic's first and go
from there. She's definitely getting more curious but she's well aware of
the difference between boys and girls thanks to her very un-shy little
brother who shared with us all the other day the fact that he had found a ball
under his willy! He was very impressed with his discovery and wanted to
share!!!
Thanks for commenting on my post and flagging this up. You've had some really interesting comments. Like Lex, I was told nothing as a child and this did make life very difficult at times. I think it is important for children to know the basic facts, they need to be prepared for the adult world. I was also brought up in Cathlolic family which I think added to the fact that it just was not discussed. So I think the best thing is to be honest and present the facts in a child-appropriate manner. If they are asking questions then they want answers. I plan to give my daughter a little information at first, and if she still wants more then I'll add to it.
I think that's a pretty normal age for girls to start asking those questions. I did when I was six, and most of my friends did around then as well. Why is it too young to know the basics? Like someone above said, you can just try and make it as dry and boring as possible. Maybe study a few eighth grade bio classes. Mine made sex sound like watching paint dry. :p
Good luck with the questions by the way
Good luck with the questions BTW x
Lol I used to be like that around my mam when people were snogging on
neighbours! I used to go all red and get embarrassed – she must have thought
it was hilarious.
That's a good idea to make it sound boring, Thanks very much
That's exactly how I feel, I just want her to know that she can always come
to me and talk about anything….
I'm going to get her a book so we can read it together next time she drags
out the awkward questions lol
Thanks for your thoughts, I guess I think seven is too young to be asking
questions like that ;-(
I think I'm going to get one of those books that are aimed towards her age
group, she is always really open with me it's just that it's usually about
holding hands with a boy at school lol.
Thanks again
She's only seven bless her….
I think I'm going to get a book suitable for her so we can read it
together. I'm sure I didn't know about stuff like this when I was her age!
Thanks for your thoughts x
I must admit I didn't think I'd be dealing with it so soon….
My 2 boys are 10 and 12 now and we have always been very open about sex in an age appropriate way.Obviously each family has their own views on this subject and you have to do what is right for you.My parents didn't tell me anything about sex and I want my boys to grow up realising that its just a normal part of life – not dirty or embarrassing. Just deal with the questions as they arrive. For me the important thing was that my boys should feel able to talk to us in an open and honest way and not be put off by feeling we were embarrassed to talk.I bought various books which I both read with them and left for them to look through.Nobody has the perfect answer – just do what you feel is right for you!
That is not an acceptable white lie. Even though I mean that from a moral standpoint, it's also something that could bite you in the butt. When I was ten, I was told that oral sex is “special kissing”. In a sense, it is true…ish. But guess which phrase I threw into conversation at the next family party? And I still feel like it served my mother right.
I continue to resent every lie and obfuscation about sex that I heard as a child. It made sex seem dirty and bad. That may be useful when one is a kid, but guess what? It doesn't necessarily magically melt away with age and maturity. When you plant that seed, it's certainly possible that it will be a dud and not grow at all. But it's also possible that our society (the virgin/whore dichotomy, sexism, victim-blaming in rapes, and on and on) will give it just the water and sunlight it needs to let those feelings grow into something tremendous and awful.
My advice: tell her sexing is a thing grow ups do that can involve kissing, but also other things that are private. If she asks for more info, answer each question as it comes. If she ends up finding that a penis can go in a vagina… then she finds out. She'll only make it a big deal if you do. Finding out that Tab A can go in Tab B in certain situations doesn't steal people's innocence; it's all the baggage of sex that does that, and I doubt she'll be asking you about STD's, broken hearts, and date rape just yet. Not for at least another few years! :p
But if you lie, and she finds out from a friend… And she obviously will since it's not like it randomly occurs to kids that their parents are doing babymaking activities at night — she heard that somewhere. And kids talk about everything. If one of her friends has asked these questions, she may well hear about it. If one of her friends is being sexually abused, she may even hear about THAT. You've got to be ready.
Anyway, if you outright lie, and she finds out, she's not going to go to you about these questions. She will think you are bullshitting her about sexuality. And she will be right.
Moral of the story: your parental comfort is not the important thing here.
You handled it the best way by asking firstly what she thought it was. I'm not sure how old Missy Frugal is, but you could always just say that sexing is how grown ups who love each other very much show their love. She's obviously very curious. Could you buy her a book on the birds and the bees – there's some really good ones out there that'll cover your slant on it (traditional, non-traditional etc)
I think thats how I'd do it. I don't know. My 8yr old boy is blissfully – boyfully – unaware. He doesn't really care. For now………
I tend to try to tell the truth but make it as boring and matter of fact as I can. Last night we were watching Walking With Dinosaurs when two sauropods were seen getting it on. There was a discussion about how the female had to be superstrong to cope with the weight. My 8YO asked why the male had to get on top and what they were doing. I said they were mating which he didn't really understand. So, in the end, I said “they're having sex”. He said: “Oh.” Then he went a bit red and kept very quiet. We've already had the big chat about sperm and eggs. I'm expecting Questions soon.
I have all this to come so will be waiting to see what the others have to say.