This morning I was in the queue at Aldi when I heard (it was impossible not to) a lady behind me in the queue talking on her phone. She seemed a bit annoyed with someone and was having a bit of a rant – most of which I just filtered out while being hypnotised by the speed of the Aldi checkout lady!
One thing that I did hear was her telling the person who was on the receiving end of her rant was that it wasn’t easy being a stay at home mum which is something I totally agree with. I can’t tell if the person she was speaking to agreed or not but her reply to whatever they said was that being a stay at home mum was much harder than being a working mum!
Really? Is being a stay at home mum harder than being a working mum? It’s not the first time I’ve heard someone say this or read a comment online and some comments I’ve seen in the past have actually made me question my decision to work because of some of the comments and their implied meanings….
I want to be there for my children!
Me too, just because I work doesn’t mean that I’m not there for them and they know that. I’ve never missed a school event or not been there for something they’ve wanted me there for and I spend a lot of time with them when I’m not at work.
I want my children to know they are my priority!
Again, me too. My children know they are my top priority and understand that they are the driving force behind everything that I do.
My children need me!
My children need me too. They also need a happy family life where we aren’t worried about money and we have plenty of quality time together and they’re so lucky that they have that.
I might not go to work but I have a job at home – cooking, cleaning and keeping the house running like clockwork
Here’s an interesting fact – these things need doing whether or not you have a job and I do them all (although I wouldn’t use the word clockwork to describe how our house runs ;-)) and go to work and earn a good wage.
When my children were born, I went back to work and worked around them as much as possible working an evening shift from 5-10 Monday to Friday so I could be with them through the day and leave them with their Dad at night.
Then when they went to school I went back to the usual day shift working full time hours over four days before our financial situation (namely me working hard at being frugal and saving money) allowed me to reduce my hours to part time, working from 8am until 2.30pm each day. I would drop them off at breakfast club and then head on to work and be done by the time I needed to pick them up.
But here’s the thing, I managed my work AND did everything that I would be doing at home if I was a stay at home mum. I washed, I cooked, I cleaned, I did everything I needed to do with the kids and more. I didn’t miss a thing with the kids and actually, my working bought in money that gave s freedom to do fun things – holidays, days out, treats – without having to worry too much about money.
Had I been a stay at home mum, I might have taken over the jobs that Mr Frugal does around the house which are washing the pots, ironing and the bins but they’re not particularly time consuming or difficult (although I do hate doing them). And actually, I don’t think I would have taken over everything as I still would have expected some help from him.
So, I’m really not sure what’s more difficult about being a stay at home mum.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think being a working mum is easier or harder than being a stay at home mum, it’s just different.
Maybe we should get rid of the labels working mum and stay at home mum and all just be what we are – mums doing the best we can for our children!
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I agree with you. When being at home full time, it will take lots of energy.
Hi
I too like some previous posters have said I think we are all trying to do the best we can whether working or stay at home, and I think too many judge that sahm’s have it easy especially if their children are out at school but sometimes it isn’t as easy as that.
I am currently a sahm but wish I could I say it is through choice but it is not, I had planned to return to work after my second child was born but it didn’t work out that way my daughter was born with additional needs due to a stroke and whilst she is now at school she has epilepsy and I need to be available to go to school at the drop of a hat if she has a seizure, I miss work and would love to go back but currently it is not possible.
I think everyone’s situation is different and it isn’t black and white, some mums might feel guilty they are not bringing a salary and some working mums may not be able to get time off for every school play etc so I think both are as hard as as each other. It should not be a competition. I know single mums who are out working full time to provide for their children and I know sahm’s who lunch every day with their friends who would tell you they are so busy they haven’t time to go to work. So I guess it’s whatever you think works for your family.
Let's face it, both have their own challenges and we're all just trying to do our best for our families at the end of the day BUT having done both I would say being a working mum is much much harder than staying at home! I can only speak from personal experience of course! That said, I'm not sure why some people insist on making it a competition. It is what it is.
Ahhh this is one of those things that I think is tough for both! I'm a working Mama & I often struggle to keep on top of everything & wonder if being s stay at home mum would be easier but I think they both have their challenges! X
I'm a sahm to two under three and I'll be honest, it's harder than any job I've ever had BUT I've never had to do both. I do wonder how working mums do it all – I admire them for that. Lots of spinning plates. I do feel the same way as the previous commenter – there are days when I'd love to be able to go to work and spend time with adults.
Jenna at Tinyfootsteps x
I'm a stay at home mum and been since late 2014. I really enjoy it and it can be hard however I believe that being a stay at home mum or a working mum are both hard just in different ways and that they really shouldn't be compared.
I think it's hard either way, but for different reasons. I'm a working mum and it's hard to fit everything in, a stay at home mum could fit it all in no problems but wouldn't get any time to think. I'm not sure which I'd prefer if I had the choice!
I've been a stay at home mum (for just over two years when my kids were 2 and 4.) I really enjoyed it but it could be isolating at times. The rest of the time I have worked, mainly part time when they were little. I think the kids were perfectly happy when I was working and just as happy when I wasn't. I thought it was much harder to fit jobs in and get things done when I was juggling work and childcare, you just have to let things go a bit. I wish women didn't fight over this issue, ALL women work, often harder than men while kids are growing up and women still often sacrifice career progression to try and fit it all in. We can be too hard on ourselves and too hard on each other. As the reader above says, it's not a competition and there's no right or wrong.
I don't think any is harder – it's all hard! And we all deserve a blooming pat on the back whatever we are doing, be it sahm, wahm, working mum or all three! 🙂
It makes me so sad that a lot of mums spend so much energy debating whether one is harder than the other. They are both hard in their own way, but they both bring rewards too. We shouldn't be competing. Just one small point though, I think being a stay at home mum when you have school aged children who are out the house all day is very different to being a stay at home mum to preschoolers, especially if you have more than one. When my three were young,I was with my kids all day and then did all my work in the evenings and at weekends so I never could quite decide if I was a working mum or a stay at home mum. I was both, and it was exhausting! I think we should just all support each regardless. We are all just doing the best for our individual families.
I also worked while bringing up three children. I had to in order to help with bills. I was at every sports day, every parents evening, helped with school outings, reading etc. when they were little ( three in four years) I worked nights leaving them sleeping with dad in charge. I kept this up until they were all at school when I would be home to take them and collect them at the end of the day. I always made cakes etc, knitted jumpers and cardigans and made dresses for the girls. I would have loved to be a stay at home mum but did not want him indoors to be stressed trying to provide for us. We all make choices in life depending on the cards we are dealt. It is not a competition and there is no right or wrong with this one.
I don't comment on blogs often but yours is on one I follow. I couldn't agree more with this post. I unfortunately split up with and divorced my partner when my daughter was very young, since then I have been a single mum with no extra support , I work full time plus do exactly as you say , all the housework cooking etc, as well as be the sole parent to a 6 year old! Mums who arrive at the school complaining how hard it is to have been at home cleaning all day being a full time stay at home mum have no idea , that that all needs doing after I finish work, I start at 6:30 am every day, just so I can be there at the end of the school day to collect my daughter!
Mini rant over, just to say I completely completely agree with this!
totally agree with this post.