Christmas is such a lovely time of year, but it can also be one of the busiest.
The closer we get to December, the faster the invites seem to roll in. Work parties, drinks with different friend groups, meals out, family gatherings, a quick catch-up that somehow turns into a full evening… it all adds up. Some of these things I genuinely look forward to, but others? Not so much.
In the past, I’ve pretty much said yes to everything because I didn’t want to offend anyone or seem anti-social. I’d accept the invite and show up, even when I was exhausted or completely overwhelmed (which, let’s face it, happens a lot in December), just because I felt like I should. There were times when I really didn’t want to go out which, just to be clear, was always absolutely a ‘me’ thing rather than the people I’d made plans with.
I’m not anti-social but I am a homebody who is much happier at home than out if I’m honest and these days, I’m much more accepting of that and last Christmas, I promised myself a calmer, more intentional Christmas and I stuck to it.
I found the balance between seeing the people I love and want to spend time with but also understanding that my time, energy and feelings are important and I can be selective.
Here’s how that’s been going and a few tips if you’re trying to do the same…
Be honest when you can
Honesty makes life so much easier. If you genuinely can’t go, or you know something isn’t right for you, just say so kindly. Most people understand far more than we give them credit for. I’ve said no to my work Christmas party this year because I have plans the following day that I’m really looking forward to and as old as this makes me sound, I don’t want to be tired for my day out. I explained that to everyone and they seemed absolutely fine with it. And if they weren’t? That’s on them, not me.
Being open removes the pressure and stops the back-and-forth persuasion that sometimes comes with vague excuses. If you’re not going, it’s always better to say no early rather than accepting for an easy life and pulling out last minute.
…but have an excuse ready when honesty feels awkward
Let’s be real: sometimes being totally honest feels uncomfortable, unnecessary or likely to open the door to a long conversation you don’t want. Maybe you don’t really know the group well, or you just don’t want to explain yourself. It’s completely fine to have a polite excuse ready.
I’ve turned down a girls’ all day drinking day in Durham this year because that’s just not my thing anymore. I did tell my closest friend the truth because she gets that it’s no longer a me thing, but everyone else simply knows I’ve already got plans that I can’t change that day. And that’s enough.
Offer an alternative
If you still want to see people but not in the way that’s being suggested, offering an alternative can be a lovely middle ground. I’ve said no to the day in Durham because I just don’t enjoy the cold, the crowds or shouting over music anymore. Instead, I invited a couple of friends over to mine for a cosy night in with drinks and a proper catch-up.
They’ll still be going out with the rest of them but they’ll also have a quiet night in with me. Good friends won’t make you feel guilty for choosing something that actually suits you.
Tell people either way
Ignoring an invite and hoping it quietly disappears isn’t fair on anyone. Even if the answer is no, replying promptly is simply polite and makes everyone’s life easier. It also stops people chasing you for a decision, which is a bonus.
Be confident in your decision
If you waver, people will push. Not because they’re trying to pressure you — most of the time, it’s because they genuinely want you there. But once you’ve decided, try to stay firm. You’re allowed to prioritise yourself, especially at this time of year when everything feels busy and expensive.
Give yourself permission to say no
You don’t need to justify every decision or fill every space in your diary. The holidays are supposed to be enjoyable, not overwhelming. Saying no isn’t rude, ungrateful or antisocial — it’s simply recognising your limits and protecting your peace.
Most people will completely understand if you can’t make it, and the ones who don’t probably aren’t thinking about the amount of energy you’re juggling right now. A polite no will always serve you better than saying yes and ending up stressed, tired or dreading it.
Learning to decline invitations kindly has made my December feel calmer and far more enjoyable. I still get to see the people I love, but I’m not running myself into the ground trying to be everywhere at once. And honestly? It feels really good.
Try it!
If you think you’ve seen this post before, you absolutely might have. This week’s posts are a little bit special because my very lovely daughter, Miss Frugal, has stepped in to help while I’m feeling a bit under the weather. She’s chosen some of our favourite old posts to share with you again – the ones that bring back happy memories of things we’ve made, done or visited together, and I honestly can’t wait to see what she’s picked.
One of the conditions of her takeover was that she was allowed to do it all herself, so I’ve written this little intro for her to add to each post she chooses. I’ll be finding out what she’s re-sharing at the same time as you do. The control freak in me is very uncomfortable with this. 🫢
I’d love you follow me on Twitter and it would be amazing to see you over on my Facebook page and on Instagram. If you’re interested, you can find out more about me here and while I’ve got your attention, if you’re wondering why some of my posts lately are a little bit less frugal then have a read of this post. 😉
Why not pin ‘How to say NO at Christmas’ for later?
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