According to Miss Frugal, now she’s 8 she’s practically grown up. This means that she expects to be able to do things that she hasn’t been allowed to do before, I’m a bit more easy going than Mr Frugal so we’re had a few arguments discussions over what she can and can’t do.
So, I thought I would ask your opinion on how old you think is old enough….
….For a mobile phone
She’s had a mobile for a while now and always carries it round in her little handbag. The phone that she had was the most basic model ever made and was fine for a 7 year old but an 8 year old needs a much better phone apparently, so she decided to spend her birthday money on a new all singing, all dancing phone. Well, as all singing, all dancing as a phone costing £30.00 can be.
The phone she chose is a pink touchscreen model with a camera, an MP3 player and games and she’s been quite happily texting away since she got it.
I don’t mind her having a mobile but when I was talking to one of my friends about it she says that 8 is way too young to have a phone and she would be inclined to wait until senior school.
….To go out to play
I recently let Miss Frugal play in the next street outside her friends house but I was a nervous wreck. I hate not being able to see her but I know I need to let go a little bit and encourage her independence. The only problem is that she now wants to go further afield as her 11 year old cousin keeps asking if she can take her to the park. I said yes initially as the park is only a 5 minute walk from our house and her cousin is very sensible but Mr Frugal has put his foot down whoch has made me wonder and now I’m not sure myself.
….For Facebook / Twitter
This doesn’t affect us at the moment as Miss Frugal is into Moshi Monsters at the moment and is unaware of the existence of these sites at the moment but I’m just curious as to what age you would let your children go on social networking sites, and would you insist on being added as a friend so you can see what they’re up to?
….To choose their own clothes
Miss Frugal will not wear something she doesn’t want to wear – does that mean she’s spoilt or should I be proud that she knows what she wants. I don’t usually buy clothes for her unless she’s with me as there is a huuuge difference in the things I like and the outfits she would choose for herself. However, I did buy her a pair of denim dungarees (they were nicer than they sounded) about a month ago and they went down like a lead balloon, she refused to wear them because she said they made her look like a farmer! When I told one of my friends they said they would have forced their daughter to wear them if they had spend money on them which I totally disagree with.
….For Pocketmoney
I’m not so sure about this one. I would rather just give her money for what she needs as and when at this age and a token amount each week to help her learn to save and I can teach her to learn to budget and all the important grown up stuff later but part of me thinks that I should start now and make her save for the things that she wants.
I’m sat here like a sponge waiting to soak up all of your advice, so come on, hit me with it 😉
*Disclaimer* Any comments that agree with Mr Frugal’s point of view shall be deleted….
(only joking)
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I think I’m a little late to this one, but here’s my twopennyworth. Mobile phone – high school for my daughter, she’s no need for one yet. Social networking – I’d stick to 13 as the sites say; I know the trouble they can cause for year 7 & 8 at my school when they are too young to realise what they are doing – the rules are there for a reason. Pocket money – I’m a little gobsmacked at how much some kids get! My daughter has had ten times her age since being six ( so now she’s nine she gets 90p a week). She has learned to save for toys and books and never mothers me for anything. I think this is the most important thing she’s learned – to save up for what she wants. If she was bought things when she wants them and sometimes told no you can’t have it how would she learn to manage money? As for playing out – that’s the one I really struggle with. I think I’ll keep her locked up till she’s 21!! Good luck with your decisions!
Well i love this grown up child..
My opinions (sorry, coming to this late – just catching up)
Mobile Phone – the end of Yr6. I have no reason to believe that they need one prior to this but that's because until the summer holidays (when I gave J a bit more freedom before he went to high school) I knew where my kids were ALL the time! It's all about trust and they have always known I WILL check up on them! Randomly.
Out to play – again, a matter of trust and how mature/sensible your child is. Only you will know how they will act in an emergency or if one of their friends suggests something daring. As above, I have instilled fear into my children and they know I may turn up at some point. I turned them into incessant clock watchers too (my own failing) – but at least they know that if something did happen and they didn't come back at a pre-arranged time then would be off looking for them. At Miss F's age I usually gave them a boundary to play (an area near the house or in friends garden) and told them to be back at x o'clock. They wore a watch or asked said friends' parent. They always knew they could go back out again once they'd checked in. It's never ever failed.
Facebook – Year 6 again – when they are just understanding social networking and getting ready for high school. I know the age limit is 13 but I think with the obvious controls in place then they can enjoy it and act sensibly.
Twitter – I personally like to think that this is an adult place (with the odd exception – I have one teen on my list).
Choosing clothes – from whenever they are able to express an opinion. Even if it means letting them wear one pump and one welly and a tutu on the school run. They'll soon learn. Nuff said.
Pocket money – from about 8 years old. An amount discretionary to yourself. And if they want to spend it all on sweets then limit the amount that you'd be happy to let them spend on sweets. Increase the amount each birthday and have a chat about what you'd expect them to spend it on and if they want something extra or nice then they have to save up. Be reasonable and realistic. Don't be expecting them to save up for new clips from Claires if you're only giving them 50p a week.
You are a wise, wise woman Nickie 😉
Apart from the mobile phone, I agree with everything you've said.
Even with the mobile, I do kind of know she's too young for one but I've let her have one with a few 'select' numbers in and she is actually really sensible with it. She takes it with her when we go out and I like knowing that if she got lost she could ring me. Her dad wasn't that keen when she texted him the other night from bed to ask for a drink of water!!!!
Our street is actually quite quiet so I think maybe I'm going to let her play out a bit more now – you're right though it would have been different if it had been a busy road….
It sounds like you've started him off brilliant with money – I'll have to take a leaf out of your book x x
How clever is he about the pocket money lol
He's going to be an Alan Sugar when he grows up 😉
My children are 13 and 10. My 10 year old daughter has had a mobile since she was 8, but only because she's diabetic and I was allowing her to go play at her friends house 5 minutes walk away and she needs to be able to contact me if she starts feeling poorly. My son has one and I don't even think he knows where it is. Deffo not plugged into the texting revolution.
Clothes – I'm holding the purse strings, so I have final say.
Facebook/Twitter – my 13 year old son has asked, and I've said no. End of discussion.
Pocket money. £3 per week each. They tend to save for a week or two and then blow it all on a second hand X Box game.
Thats definitely a valid reason to have a mobile, mine just likes to use hers to text lol.
I think I would try and keep her away from Facebook and Twittter for as long as I possibly can…..
Well here goes:
Mobile: not till High School I'm afraid.
Out to play: difficult. I think it depends on where you live – if it is on a main road, well lit. But mine did not go out on their own until High School.
Facebook/twitter: both mine use it – DD 14 and DS nearly 10. DS only goes onto the games – pet society and farmtown. As he can't read and write very well he doesn't use it for social networking. DD uses it a lot. So much so that we have had to limit the amount of time she spends on it.
Own clothes: Both decide what they want to wear. DD buys her own clothes although most times I'm with her to guide her. I buy DS clothes, if he's with me I let him choose what he would like.He decides what he wants to wear each day.
Pocket money: This didn't really work for us. As DS will spend it on sweets and rubbish as soon as he gets it in his sweaty little palm. So he gets things through out the month instead now – within reason. DD gets an allowance each month but she's crafty and doesn't like to spend it, preferring to spend my money instead!
Thats the way that I think Pocketmoney would work here…..
I knee I wouldn't get many people agreeing with the mobile phone lol….
Teen DD was about 12 when she asked for Facebook and I thought that was young. I did let her but added her as a friend, so I can see everything she is up to (even now).
I think a phone is a good idea as you can always get hold of them (as long as they remember to keep it charged). We used this as a bargaining tool for going out (you can go as long as your phone if fully charged etc) she soon cottoned on.
Pocket money I think it's never too young as Teen DD was never given a set regular amount and now she is rubbish with the value of money so we are really trying. You could introduce chores for pocket money.
Nothing wrong with choosing their own clothes, as long as you both agree on the suitability of them.
Oooh I like that we agree on everything 😉
OK my opinions, so dont shoot me. Phone – too young!
Pocket money – never too young
Playing out – OK the boys do
Facebook twitter – not on your life!
Chose own clothes – the boys do now too!
lol – I knew people would think she was too young for her phone
I think we kind of agree on the rest 😉
We've agreed on a £1 a week pocket money but I'm sure I'll end up getting her the odd treat too x
Squeaky is only 8 months old, and I'm sure my opinions will change in the next few years, but for what it's worth…
Mobile Phones: No need for them before secondary school at the earliest. If they want to keep in touch with their friends, there's a landline in the house for that.
Go Out & Play: Depends where. I wouldn't want her playing out in our street (unlike some of the other mothers on the street) because people drive into our street like idiots, but no problem with going to the little park at the bottom of the road.
Facebook/Twitter: Facebook terms & conditions require minimum age of 13, so not before then. Twitter, less of an issue, as long as I can follow & monitor.
Choose Their Own Clothes: Once they express their own likes & dislikes, with conditions – suitability for weather, decency (not dressed like a miniature pole dancer), and preferably with a degree of guidance around price, designer labels etc.
Pocketmoney: Squeaky is given pocketmoney or money for her money box by various relatives already. However, this will go into a bank account & be used to go towards treats, trips, etc. Having her own cash to spend as she wants, I'm really not sure. I want her to learn the value of money, saving etc as soon as she is able, but I don't want it to happen before she's ready. I have a feeling it may tie in with starting school – being allowed a certain amount of money on a Saturday morning, to choose a treat, or save it up for something bigger.
I didn't realise that about Facebook – I know children younger than that on there. In fact I know a seven year old that has asked to be my friend (I said no) and I was quite shocked but her parents set it up for her so they muct have fudged some of the details.
She does have quite good taste in clothes so I'm OK there x
Thanks for your comments
Well I only have a two year old little boy but do have an eight year old niece. Pocket money even my little boy gets pocket money my dad gives it to all of them and my niece is now being taught to budget it if she wants something expensive she has to save half then someone in the family gives her the rest.
She doesn’t have a mobile phone and I don’t think she really needs one she is still walked to school and she isn’t allowed to play out away from the house yet. But they live in a large city so I suppose that depends where you live however she does have a DS Lite and an IPod unfortunately she is a bit of a gadget whizz like me. She is not allowed on any social networking sites she reads my blog and has asked my sister if she can have her own so far it has been a no.
She chooses her own clothes my sister does try to steer her into the right direction but I think it is important to develop their own style with clothes I really agree with that.
Good luck with it all I am dreading Baba being that age oh and my sister and bro in law have lots and lots of discussions too xx
There's some hard decisions ahead of you lol
Thanks for your comments x
he use of mobile phones for the still developing child worries me, I am sure the younger generation will have some dreadful brain tumours later in life and I would not let a child under 13 have a phone. As for clothes, choose them with her and steer her away from anything pink or glittery, who wants to look like an airhead bimbo anyway. I have charge of small g.daughter most days, she watches a little Ceebeebies only about 15 minsd at a time them we do something else.
Hello! My son is two as well so any comments I make are definitely subject to change as he grows older and I grow slacker – for example I thought "he will not know what TV is, we will never have it on" – and now he says "I want to watch CBeebies."
I completely agree with you about clothes – eight is def old enough to know what you want to wear and feel awful if you are wearing something you hate – imagine if all our clothes were bought by our spouses and we had to wear them!!
Going out to play is tricky, isn't it. It kind of depends where you live maybe. At eight in a small market town I was not only out by myself down at the fields about 15 mins walk away but was taking my two sisters aged six and two. (I used to roller skate along pushing my sisters buggy!). Times were different perhaps (i'm 35) but I will be sorry if I can't let my sons out at 8. On the other hand, in Hackney, if we are still here, I will probably feel differently about it.
Currently I think as with the TV the boys will never have a mobile phone, portable games console, TV/computer in bedroom, etc, 😉 – or at least til high school – but no doubt as time goes by and peer pressure kicks in I will think differently.
Thanks very much for your comments…. Times are different to when I was a child but I agree that we should still be able to let children play out at 8.
My only objection at 8 years old is the mobile phone one primarily for health reasons.
TBH I hadn't even thought about if from a health point of view – Thank you
Oh gosh this is a tricky one but with a daughter who's nearly two I know time will fly and will be thinking about these things myself before I know it! At the moment I see it like this (I think).
Mobiles: I kind of don't see the need for a mobile phone unless she's going out without us and I want her to be contactable. But this is the 21st Century so who know what it'll be like in a few years time. I wouldn't want to embarrass her by making her the only child in school without one. We'll see….
Going out to play: She'll be 21 or 22. Seriously I've no idea. I guess it depends on where we are living then as right now we are on a main road which I wouldn't want her playing near.
Facebook/Twitter: We intend to put the computer in the living room so we can see what she's up to and hubby has already said he's child locking it like Fort Knox!
Chosing clothes: I'll be happy for her to pick her own clothes but from a selection of pre-approved clothes chosen by me. It's good to develop your own sense of style but any skirt looking like belts and she's back up them stairs!
Pocket money: No idea. I'll tell you when I get there!
Listen to me waffle on!!
You sound like a brilliant mum – just the right amount of control in my opinion….
Thanks x