It wasn’t until it was time to apply for a secondary school for Miss Frugal that I thought seriously about the huge part that friends could play in her happiness.
Regular readers might remember that we were faced with the hardest decision we’d had to make since becoming parents when choosing what secondary school to send her to. We had to choose between sending her to the school all of her friends were going to which we knew to have poor education standards and even worse disciplinary standards, or to the local faith school where she wouldn’t know a single person but would get a great education from a school rated as Outstanding and in the Top 5 in the whole area for results.
The decision was made harder because she was so shy and had very little self confidence and I worried that she would struggle to make new friends which could affect her education even more than sending her to the school where her friends would be going.
I battled with myself for weeks before the prospect of a much better education won out although even then I spent many sleepless nights worrying if it was the right decision for her.
It turned out that I needn’t have worried at all because on her first day she was put with a group of girls who knew each other and from that day on, she’s never looked back. They’ve included her in everything they’ve done from days out to sleepovers and I can’t tell you the difference it’s made to her as a person.
It’s been a pleasure watching her grow into the happy, confident and bubbly thirteen year old that she is now and I genuinely credit most of that to the fact that she has such an amazing group of friends. They’re always there for her and she’s got a better social life than I have these days (which I agree isn’t saying much).
I know she’s has been really lucky to have found such a great group of girls who are all good friends and I thank my lucky stars for these girls every single day because of the difference they’ve made to her because without them, I could have been telling a very different story today!
So what can we do to help our children make and maintain healthy friendships?
Miss Frugal knows that her friends are welcome at our house at any time and that I’m always happy to take them somewhere or pick them up. I also try and have treats and snacks in for them when they do come around because ultimately, if they’re hanging out at our house then I know where they are which makes me happy – it’s the main reason I want our garage converting.
But you can go a step further than that!
The very lovely and clever Becky Goddard-Hill who blogs over at Emotionally Healthy Kids has just launched a set of FINK conversation cards to support children with their friendships. It’s something that I want to do with Master Frugal because he’s going to be in the same boat as Miss Frugal next September and I know I’ll be extremely lucky if he falls into a group of friends like Miss Frugal has done.
These healthy friendship cards will help you start conversations to encourage your children to look at the friendships they have now and how well they are working. They will also help children consider how to make new friends and how to solve problems within friendships. They contain powerful and thought provoking questions and will hopefully help him to understand his relationships with his friends a little better and for a thinker like him, that’s just what he needs.
I know from personal experience just how much of a difference good friends can make to a child so if there’s a chance I can help them to nurture healthy friendships then I’m all over it!
What about you, do you help your children where it comes to their friends?
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Image credit: Shutterstock, William Perugini
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What a great idea the Fink cards are and what a lovely post. This whole school malarky is such hard work. We learned last year when POD didn't get into the local school and she was only four. We're now having those where shall she go next, shall we move etc type conversations although we have a little time. She's an only child so absolutely agree about having an open house, I'm sure this will be more important as she gets older x
What a great tool. When Isaac started Nursey he had a set of 4 friends who were inseperable and none of them got into his school and he was lost for the first year as had no friends
I'm so glad Miss Frugal has made friends at her new school, what a relief for you too. I have a daughter moving to secondary school this year and I'm terrified for her. The cards sound like a really good idea as she doesn't make friends very well.
Helping our kids make friendships is, I think, one of the most important jobs we can do as parents. I think you made the right decision with the school. I saw Becky's cards on facebook – I'll look into them, as I want to be able to support my two as they grow older.
I'm glad your daughter has made some great friends at school – it really is transformative when they have that feeling of belonging with their peers. The cards seem like a great idea – she's very clever, that Becky!!!
I hope that my boys feel they can bring any one home. I want them to feel as though home is a safe place for both them and their friends.
It's lovely to read your daughter has made some great friends – love the idea of the friendship cards. We need one for us adults – I struggle making friends more as an adult than I did as a teen -_-
So happy to hear that your daughter settled in well at secondary school. I mentor teenagers for a local charity and often get to talk to children who are struggling with friendships – it's so tough on them when things don't work out.
So pleased to hear she has settled in and has a great group of friends. It is so hard to watch them struggle with friendships isn't it. I love these cards that Becky has designed, going to get some more my pair x
I have always encouraged Emma to be friendly and kind to everybody. It has backfired lately, so to say, as she seems so inclined to please others more than care about her own needs and desires. Both her teacher and myself are now encouraging her to be more vocal and say no when she doesn't feel comfortable with things. It is never straight forward, is it?xx
I have like you always had an open house, my girls always had friends over . This is a bonus because you know who they are hanging around with and also they are safe at home.
Aww I am so glad to read such wonderful news. I must admit I am worried about the day I choose which high school to send my children too as the one linked to their primary does not have the best record (primary is one of the best yet the secondary is not)
I like the idea of the friendship cards
What a great tool. My daughter's at that age when she's constantly falling out with her friends and has a new BFF every day, I think these will really help.