When I picked Miss Frugal up from school on Tuesday she was much quieter than normal and I could see something was bothering her but she had two friends coming round for tea so I didn’t press her to tell me what it was straight away but when they’d gone home, we laid on the settee together and she told me that one of the girls in her class, let’s call her ‘the nasty one’ had written a note about her saying she was a thief and she’d threatened to take this letter home to her foster parents who would be very angry with Miss Frugal.
We’ve had trouble with the nasty one before when she told Miss Frugal that her grandma had been shot dead among other things (I know, lovely child) and I ended up going in to the school to sort it out and to the school’s credit, from the day I mentioned this until Monday, there’s been no other incidents until Monday.
After I’d reasured Miss Frugal that nothing would happen to her, she asked me not to say anything to the school as she wanted to try and sort it out herself. I’ve told her before that I think the nasty one picks on her because she is jealous that she has so many friends and she has a family who love her so much and I think she feels sorry for her a little bit. Against my better judgement, I agreed to see how the next day went before I contacted the school and the next morning I dropped her off at breakfast club without saying anything to the teachers.
You can guess what’s coming can’t you? I got to the school to pick her up yesterday and found her almost in tears. Apparently the nasty one had accused her, in front of everyone, of stealing her water bottle at break time.
We went straight to her teacher who said that she was aware that there had been an incident as the nast one had told her that Miss Frugal had stolen the water bottle (bought from the stall in the playground at break time for 20p so nearly everyone gets one!) but the teacher says that she explained to the nasty one that she had thrown it in the bin as it had been empty. She had made the nasty one apologise to Miss Frugal and she’d thought the matter had ended there. To her credit, she looked mortified that the nasty one had not left it at that and had continued to tell people that Miss Frugal had stolen the bottle. She looked even more shocked when I explained what had happened the day before and she promised me that she would sort it out today.
I know from Miss Frugal that the nasty one wasn’t allowed on the laptops this morning and had to miss her morning playtime so I know that they’ve taken some action but I’ve found out tonight that she’s been bullying another little girl who has told her mam that she wants to change schools because of her!
It’s so sad when children so young can be so nasty. I really dread what sort of person she will grow up into and I just hope that this is the last time I have to deal with nastiness.
Poor Miss Frugal 🙁 However, I would agree with Twinsmumplusone. I work in this field and it takes a lot for a child to go into foster care and they often have to suffer a lot before this is arranged. I never fail to be shocked at what some young people have lived with and they nearly always end up failing at school one way or another. This little girl has probably had a lot to deal with in her short life already. I'd have a guess that she perhaps witnessed a degree of abusive relationship while she was very small, maybe seeing her Mum with men who were horrible to her and so she thinks this behaviour is acceptable and the norm. Also her self-esteem is probably very low so by making someone else 'be worse' it makes her feel better.
Sating all that, I'm not a weeping hippy, I still believe that everyone has a choice in how they behave but some need more support than others to realise how their behaviour hurts others.
Maybe explain this to Miss Frugal so she knows that it not personal against her and she is not doing anything wrong. Obviously we'd want to tell our children to avoid these kids like the plague so they stay out of their radars but perhaps Miss Frugal could extend a hand of friendship to her?Something small like maybe take an extra biscuit in with her lunch and offer it to the other girl? If this girl is suffering from emotional problems, a small gesture like this might have a profound effect. I'm not suggesting they become best friends because it is likely that the other girl will still be manipulative and two-faced in her effort to boost her own self-esteem and that is probably not a burden you want for Miss F. But it might diffuse the situation and take some of the power away from this other girl.
Children are rarely naturally nasty, its usually learnt behaviour because they have a traumatic or disrupted background or they are spoilt brats with no boundaries!
Good luck Miss Frugal, hope this gets sorted soon for you. xx
Poor Miss Frugal, some kids are an utter nightmare. Mine has one like that thankfully not in her class anymore. But when they started their new school, whenever the 'nasty girl' would get into trouble and the new teachers asked her name she'd give my daughter's name!. it took ages to sort it out. I hope Miss Frugal doesn't get anymore problems xx
It just breaks your heart when your children have to deal with bullies at such an early age doesn't it? You're lucky she's not in her class anymore, I hope this girl is moved at the end of this term.
If the nasty one is living with foster parents there is every chance that she has had a lot of problems in her young life. Children aren't taken into care easily these days. As you say, she could be jealous of Miss Frugal as she herself doesn't have family who is there for her but she may well have emotional and behavioural problems because of her early experiences.
This doesn't excuse her behaviour but may give an insight into it.
Sounds like the school are very proactive though – so hopefully Miss Frugal will have a better day tomorrow.
Thats how I explain it to Miss Frugal to make it easier for her to deal with, I'm so proud of her that even though this girl is horrible to her she still tries to make an effort to include her. Maybe that's why the little girl targets her sometimes – she thinks she's an easy target!
It is so sad and I really hope your daughter is given the support she needs from the school. In some ways though I feel even sorrier for the "nasty one", it can't be a nice thing to be, it always makes me wonder why bullies, especially young children, are like that and where they have learnt it from.
I feel sorry for the nast one as well in a way, she's obviously like she is for a reason and unless she changes, she's not going to have a happy childhood which is such a shame.
Oh so sad! 🙁 I hope Miss Frugal is ok! I really dont get how children can be so nasty either!! I was picked on from little school right up to the day of leaving school. Though I skipped most of the last couple of years as the bullying got too much! What processes children to be so nasty for no reason at all?? 🙁
It's my worst fear for both of them as they grow up – that they are bullied to the point that they feel they need to skip school. How could anyone bully you – you're lovely x x